Hello Izumi, I really like the story and I am willing to recommend it to my fellow friend readers. I see that you are eager to exercise inclusivity in your story. I just hope that you won't force people to accept this non-binary stuffs. It's okay to ask the reader about their preferred pronounce, but I just hope that there would be no characters in the story that would use they/them as pronoun. Tho if you want, ask the readers if they want to apply these kinds of pronoun to the characters besides the mc before they begin their journey. That way, you won't offend both type of readers. I am not straight I am a man who like men, but I don't believe in non-binary thing. I just hope that you keep an open mind about this
Wow....but I just hope that there would be no characters in the story that would use they/them as pronoun. ...
Just wow pal. Well it's because of NON BINARY FOLK like MARCIA P JOHNSON that you can exist at any level of equality. Get the fuck over your ignorance. If you're offended, read something else. Don't expect the author to cater to your bigotry. Educate yourself dear. I hope you grow as a person. Happy holiday season. -.-'
I really enjoyed what I played, so I don't have a lot of feedback on the story or world itself. What I do have an input about, is that it feels like we don't have enough choices when we interact with the RO's in the game. It only really gives you two options most of the time, one of which is objectively 'wrong/worse', and one that's the 'correct' choice if you want to have any chance of building a meaningful bond with any of them. Add to that, there's been very little room to expand on the personality of our MC, exactly because there's typically only two choices. No choice to be flustered or bold about flirting, it's just limited to whether we blush or not, Aiden being a very good example for that in the start of the prologue. And I know the MC hasn't had their first kiss or anything at the start of the game, but that doesn't mean MC has to be a blushing virgin who gets flustered at even the slightest bit of attention either.
You say there's comprehensive character customization for our MC, including appearances as well as personality in the description of the game, but so far we're two chapters into the game and it doesn't feel like we have much of a say in the personality at all yet, which is fairly disappointing if I'm being honest. If I could give one piece of advice it would be to go back through the chapters you've already released, and to add a lot more choices for the player to pick to both impact relationships but to also define the personality of their MC. It doesn't have to be 6 or 7 choices for each choice or anything like some games do, but if you want this game to feel like it's an interactive piece of fiction then we need more than just 2 choices most of the time. Especially when those two choices are either just bad for the relationships, or plain good instead. When you're limited to only those two options, most people will just pick the 'good' choice at that point, and if everyone is 'forced' to take that one choice for the best outcome then is there even a point to having a choice to begin with?
I don't say this to disparage you, or to hate on the game, because a lot of what I've seen was really good. So that isn't my intention at all, but I do feel like the thoughts I've shared about the game so far would qualify as being constructive criticism.
It was constructive thank you for your input. I was still in the building the narrative phase so I did intentionally limit choices because I want a foundation for what's to come. I foresee a long life span for this story in particular so establishing the world and characters have taken the forefront as of the first three chapters which I did state on my in previous updates. But rest assure the limited choices in the beginning was on purpose for the sake of making things easier on myself and the reader to get exposition about the world and characters without making it be too overwhelming. Candidly speaking the journey in the story has just begun and most of the choices that has been given (With an exception of a few) aren't really shaping the entire narrative as much as it is telling and explaining the narrative. (as much as I loathe exposition it's needed) The prologue was to set the tone, chapter 1&2 were meant to introduce the rest of the cast and get understanding of how they fit in. But as I've said previously I feel as though chapter 2 was my last one kind of explaining the world and characters now that we've met the main characters of the story. From here on I planned on focusing more on your MC's journey and decisions. (In a writing since its my 'Derail the train' time.) Though I see your point and receive your criticism, and thank you for sharing~
A bug I have found is that in the scene where you pick your weapon of choice, choosing the longbow plays the scythe scene, and choosing the scythe acts if you clicked the long bow. There are also various places where the text is cut off towards the bottom going straight to the choices.
On mobile everything cuts off at the bottom. There are places where I can't even read one (or possibly more) of the choices because I can't see them and can't move the page up any further.
That's definitely weird I play tested on both Ios and Android and the scroll bar worked for both some im not sure why its doing that for you but I will look into what I can do to change some things around ♥
For this update, as awesome as it was i found an error. Aiden came with me in the journey yet this (Screenshots) shows up only after the choice to convince C not to fight.
Ah and i don't get why mc is angry with the blacksmith? Maybe it wasn't clear enought? I mean he did called them butterflies but i just don't think that's enought reason to get that angry? And is Aiden never an option when Mc thinks of an Ro after the fight? Or I just didn't get enought affection for it to show up?
Screenshots with Spoilers from the same playthrough
First off thank you SO much for the SS! Ill be fixing them now~
but to answer your other questions your mc was upset because the blacksmith only looked at Sarosh and then hinted at their being 'Butterflies' while basically dissing everyone besides them. .'His gaze flitted momentarily to a familiar face, but the Blacksmith swiftly averted his eyes, only sparing a passing glance at Sarosh. "A couple of butterflies don't mean I'll linger amidst this wretched frog pond,"" So he essentially called everyone else frogs.
After the encounter you only get options to think about the ones who mad an impact on the scene Aiden as adorable as they are only stood behind during the encounter. ♥
Update I found the issue! it was linked to the wrong passage but I fixed it!
Hi! I can't give my character a name, I only get that error warning (like in the picture) and then my character is just referred as "$name" the whole time. Is this something I can fix myself or is it just some unfortunate bug that needs your fixing and updating? I'd like to get this fixed before playing further ahead, it kinda ruins the whole experience :'D
There should've been a pop up prompt if you have popups enabled. But also the next update will be addressing the pop ups all together and turning them into inputs instead! Which will be coming very soon within a couple weeks! Check the last update log I posted for more info!
Just a suggestion but maybe consider adding a option to play off aiden’s flirting as a joke because I don’t wanna romance her but all of the rejection options are imo super cruel
rejecting aiden in anyway isnt going to make them hate you either way because you guys are bestie but I just think I'm a super sarcastic person with my friends so it def plays into their relationship. But ill be more mindful of it in the future
by the way, still havent read this YET, but the art style looks amazing, each look different yet so well made, and the plot itself seems so very interesting and i just omgomg, i cannot wait, this is deffo going to be one of those popular games for sure
Im forcing myself to read the update tomorrow when im actually awake lol but i wanted to say congrats i know how hard you worked on getting the chapter out from your last post. And just btw the art looks soooo good. I didnt think aiden could get hotter but damn. Every RO looks even more enticing and as someone that wasnt really interested in Ciel. Female Ciel looks fierce as hell. It looks AMAZING!!
hiiiiiii im loving the story so far, though i did encounter this problem where i cant use the 'previous' button for any of the profiles
other than that, im loving our 2 ROs so far and i cant wait to meet the others! though if i may ask, can someone tell me more about the poly route of the game ?
Played the revised demo and it's honestly.. better. I loved it. Just neater? I think. Reading it felt smoother and there werent any misgendering bugs from what i saw this time. Soooo... still love Aiden 👀♥️🤣
I convinced him to come with me! You truly did a good job. It's more refined now. And i love the added bits like with Ciel's scene. Im excited to see where you take us on this journey ♥️
One spot when first meeting Ciel after picking she was pissed one line is miss gendered. A suppressed smile played at the corners of her lips before he began speaking. I have noticed other spots like this like this line. You get off of him and help her stand.
I really loved it, the characters are lovely, especially Aiden xD and the little squabbles with him and MC are almost sibling-like :) the sadness with MC's father is almost touchable. I'm looking forward to more about your story :D
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Hello Izumi, I really like the story and I am willing to recommend it to my fellow friend readers. I see that you are eager to exercise inclusivity in your story. I just hope that you won't force people to accept this non-binary stuffs. It's okay to ask the reader about their preferred pronounce, but I just hope that there would be no characters in the story that would use they/them as pronoun. Tho if you want, ask the readers if they want to apply these kinds of pronoun to the characters besides the mc before they begin their journey. That way, you won't offend both type of readers. I am not straight I am a man who like men, but I don't believe in non-binary thing. I just hope that you keep an open mind about this
Wow....but I just hope that there would be no characters in the story that would use they/them as pronoun. ...
Just wow pal. Well it's because of NON BINARY FOLK like MARCIA P JOHNSON that you can exist at any level of equality. Get the fuck over your ignorance. If you're offended, read something else. Don't expect the author to cater to your bigotry. Educate yourself dear. I hope you grow as a person. Happy holiday season. -.-'
Don't talk about being educated cause clearly you're not
All people who call themselves non-binary are people with low intellect
Keep an open mind about this? Are you kidding? As you sit there with a ridiculously closed off mind? Bite me.
Do you even have a degree to start an argument about who's educated between the two of us?
Need...more.....pleeeeeeeeeeeease
its coming~
<3
I really enjoyed what I played, so I don't have a lot of feedback on the story or world itself. What I do have an input about, is that it feels like we don't have enough choices when we interact with the RO's in the game. It only really gives you two options most of the time, one of which is objectively 'wrong/worse', and one that's the 'correct' choice if you want to have any chance of building a meaningful bond with any of them. Add to that, there's been very little room to expand on the personality of our MC, exactly because there's typically only two choices. No choice to be flustered or bold about flirting, it's just limited to whether we blush or not, Aiden being a very good example for that in the start of the prologue. And I know the MC hasn't had their first kiss or anything at the start of the game, but that doesn't mean MC has to be a blushing virgin who gets flustered at even the slightest bit of attention either.
You say there's comprehensive character customization for our MC, including appearances as well as personality in the description of the game, but so far we're two chapters into the game and it doesn't feel like we have much of a say in the personality at all yet, which is fairly disappointing if I'm being honest. If I could give one piece of advice it would be to go back through the chapters you've already released, and to add a lot more choices for the player to pick to both impact relationships but to also define the personality of their MC. It doesn't have to be 6 or 7 choices for each choice or anything like some games do, but if you want this game to feel like it's an interactive piece of fiction then we need more than just 2 choices most of the time. Especially when those two choices are either just bad for the relationships, or plain good instead. When you're limited to only those two options, most people will just pick the 'good' choice at that point, and if everyone is 'forced' to take that one choice for the best outcome then is there even a point to having a choice to begin with?
I don't say this to disparage you, or to hate on the game, because a lot of what I've seen was really good. So that isn't my intention at all, but I do feel like the thoughts I've shared about the game so far would qualify as being constructive criticism.
It was constructive thank you for your input. I was still in the building the narrative phase so I did intentionally limit choices because I want a foundation for what's to come. I foresee a long life span for this story in particular so establishing the world and characters have taken the forefront as of the first three chapters which I did state on my in previous updates. But rest assure the limited choices in the beginning was on purpose for the sake of making things easier on myself and the reader to get exposition about the world and characters without making it be too overwhelming. Candidly speaking the journey in the story has just begun and most of the choices that has been given (With an exception of a few) aren't really shaping the entire narrative as much as it is telling and explaining the narrative. (as much as I loathe exposition it's needed) The prologue was to set the tone, chapter 1&2 were meant to introduce the rest of the cast and get understanding of how they fit in. But as I've said previously I feel as though chapter 2 was my last one kind of explaining the world and characters now that we've met the main characters of the story. From here on I planned on focusing more on your MC's journey and decisions. (In a writing since its my 'Derail the train' time.) Though I see your point and receive your criticism, and thank you for sharing~
I found a small bug in chapter 2 after selecting the option: "Warn Ciel against escalating this further by exercising your magic at him."
Besides that, I really enjoyed playing your game.
A bug I have found is that in the scene where you pick your weapon of choice, choosing the longbow plays the scythe scene, and choosing the scythe acts if you clicked the long bow. There are also various places where the text is cut off towards the bottom going straight to the choices.
what are the polyroutes?
If there are sexual content, in the same sex terms we can choose to be a bottom or top or it depends on the character? ty
On mobile everything cuts off at the bottom. There are places where I can't even read one (or possibly more) of the choices because I can't see them and can't move the page up any further.
That's definitely weird I play tested on both Ios and Android and the scroll bar worked for both some im not sure why its doing that for you but I will look into what I can do to change some things around ♥
If it helps I'm forced into landscape by the demo. If you tested it portrait orientation things may have snowed up differently enough.
That does! I look into the landscape view~!
Thank you!
Ya on my android I'm put into landscape mode and can't even get past the name your hero screen as there's no input area.
Same :( did you figure out any way to put in the name?
Could you possibly add an option for bigger fontsize?
The text is really small on my laptop's screen.
can i not change my hair and eye color?
Not at the moment, in the story eyes and Hair color are plot locked. Though there will be a section where you can magically alter them.
For this update, as awesome as it was i found an error. Aiden came with me in the journey yet this (Screenshots) shows up only after the choice to convince C not to fight.
Ah and i don't get why mc is angry with the blacksmith? Maybe it wasn't clear enought? I mean he did called them butterflies but i just don't think that's enought reason to get that angry? And is Aiden never an option when Mc thinks of an Ro after the fight? Or I just didn't get enought affection for it to show up?
Screenshots with Spoilers from the same playthrough
First off thank you SO much for the SS! Ill be fixing them now~
but to answer your other questions your mc was upset because the blacksmith only looked at Sarosh and then hinted at their being 'Butterflies' while basically dissing everyone besides them. .'His gaze flitted momentarily to a familiar face, but the Blacksmith swiftly averted his eyes, only sparing a passing glance at Sarosh. "A couple of butterflies don't mean I'll linger amidst this wretched frog pond,""
So he essentially called everyone else frogs.
After the encounter you only get options to think about the ones who mad an impact on the scene Aiden as adorable as they are only stood behind during the encounter. ♥
Update I found the issue! it was linked to the wrong passage but I fixed it!
Hi! I can't give my character a name, I only get that error warning (like in the picture) and then my character is just referred as "$name" the whole time. Is this something I can fix myself or is it just some unfortunate bug that needs your fixing and updating? I'd like to get this fixed before playing further ahead, it kinda ruins the whole experience :'D
There should've been a pop up prompt if you have popups enabled. But also the next update will be addressing the pop ups all together and turning them into inputs instead! Which will be coming very soon within a couple weeks! Check the last update log I posted for more info!
Could you add an option to play this offline? To be able to download the VN/game to be able to play it offline?
Ill definitely look into it and see what I can do!
Just a suggestion but maybe consider adding a option to play off aiden’s flirting as a joke because I don’t wanna romance her but all of the rejection options are imo super cruel
rejecting aiden in anyway isnt going to make them hate you either way because you guys are bestie but I just think I'm a super sarcastic person with my friends so it def plays into their relationship. But ill be more mindful of it in the future
the pc is super similar to a oc named Aesir I made for a discord server I’m in lol. I finally get to play a character exactly as I imagined.
I just found this masterpiece now :0
Aw thank you
omgomgomgomg, i saw this and i cannot wait to read this
by the way, still havent read this YET, but the art style looks amazing, each look different yet so well made, and the plot itself seems so very interesting and i just omgomg, i cannot wait, this is deffo going to be one of those popular games for sure
Thank you! I hope you enjoy!
Fun update! I did notice a lot of pronoun switching with the ROs, but I am excited to see where this story goes!
Thanks for telling me, which route did you play? ♥ (meaning all girls. all men or mixed?)
I tried the mixed route and most of the flipping was changing the women to men
so changing Ciel and Sarosh to Men? I'll be getting on this soon!
same, I played mixed. Ciel and Sarosh's pronouns were sometimes changing to he/him. I really loved your story, can't wait to read what happens next.
Thank you! I have revamped the whole layout and things and I hope ive caught all the slips it should be coming out sometime next week ♥
Im forcing myself to read the update tomorrow when im actually awake lol but i wanted to say congrats i know how hard you worked on getting the chapter out from your last post. And just btw the art looks soooo good. I didnt think aiden could get hotter but damn. Every RO looks even more enticing and as someone that wasnt really interested in Ciel. Female Ciel looks fierce as hell. It looks AMAZING!!
Aw thank you friend! I hope you enjoy getting to know the other character! ♥
This is sooooooo good. I cant wait to read more. I am hooked!
That means so much to me, thank you for reading!
this is really great, I love Ciel so much! Also looking forward to meeting Sarosh, can’t wait!
Thank you for reading!
Cant wait for chapter one!!
I love you! thanks for waiting for me!
Thank you for gracing us with some good reading! Im honestly excited to see my baby aiden again 😭♥️
Liking it so far. The fighting style makes me thing of RWBY. xD And Aiden has all of my heart.
I LOVE RWBY and I was def inspired by volume 1 and 2. I glad you like Aiden!
hiiiiiii im loving the story so far, though i did encounter this problem where i cant use the 'previous' button for any of the profiles
other than that, im loving our 2 ROs so far and i cant wait to meet the others! though if i may ask, can someone tell me more about the poly route of the game ?
Played the revised demo and it's honestly.. better. I loved it. Just neater? I think. Reading it felt smoother and there werent any misgendering bugs from what i saw this time. Soooo... still love Aiden 👀♥️🤣
AWE THANK YOU! Did Aiden end up going with you?! Or did he refuse you?!
I convinced him to come with me! You truly did a good job. It's more refined now. And i love the added bits like with Ciel's scene. Im excited to see where you take us on this journey ♥️
One spot when first meeting Ciel after picking she was pissed one line is miss gendered. A suppressed smile played at the corners of her lips before he began speaking. I have noticed other spots like this like this line. You get off of him and help her stand.
Omg thank you for the catch! Fixed them! If you see anymore please let me know!
Aiden is just an adorable little harlot. Lmao i enjoyed this very much!
^.^ thanks for playing!
Akakmzjsjse, I LOVE THIS SO MUCH OMG!!!!
I'm glad you enjoyed it!
I really loved it, the characters are lovely, especially Aiden xD and the little squabbles with him and MC are almost sibling-like :) the sadness with MC's father is almost touchable. I'm looking forward to more about your story :D
Awe thank you for such a kind comment!